The emotional ups and downs of this time are crazy, aren't they? On the one hand, I've learned how much I freaking love staying away from people. Seriously, we should all be glad I love animals too much to be a serial killer, because according to all the true crime shows, I've got all the other hallmarks. I thought maybe I was doing okay because I still had John at home but now I'm all on my own at my parents' house (they're in Florida) while he's at the firehouse and nope, still doing fine. I text people (only 4 with any regularity), call my parents every couple of days, and did one facetime happy hour with two friends. And it's been more than enough human interaction for me. Don't judge.
On the other hand, there's still been things to grieve. We're not leaving for our Florida vacation tomorrow, as intended. A silly thing to grieve, but it's still there. Canceled some fun plans with friends in May because it's pretty unlikely that anything will be normal by then. Again, silly, but real. We also have traditions surrounding March Madness and Easter and draft day and the Derby that just aren't going to happen. And there's an underlying anxious feeling over John and my dad's health. John because he's in the line of fire and has what I like to call 'the immune system of a carnival goldfish.' And my dad because he's 80 and has other health issues. He's been good about staying inside but they want to come back here to Chicago at some point, so I worry about them traveling (next month or later).
The anxiousness isn't going to go away, not with so many unknowns still out there. I have ways to not dwell on that so much (but not ignore it either.) But the sadness over cancelled plans and traditions is something to emotionally work through, rather than just digging my heels in and insisting it'll be 'back to normal soon.' There will be good things and many more bad things to come out of this, but life will not be the same when this is over. It will not be 'back to normal soon.'
And I'm letting that page turn.
On the other hand, there's still been things to grieve. We're not leaving for our Florida vacation tomorrow, as intended. A silly thing to grieve, but it's still there. Canceled some fun plans with friends in May because it's pretty unlikely that anything will be normal by then. Again, silly, but real. We also have traditions surrounding March Madness and Easter and draft day and the Derby that just aren't going to happen. And there's an underlying anxious feeling over John and my dad's health. John because he's in the line of fire and has what I like to call 'the immune system of a carnival goldfish.' And my dad because he's 80 and has other health issues. He's been good about staying inside but they want to come back here to Chicago at some point, so I worry about them traveling (next month or later).
The anxiousness isn't going to go away, not with so many unknowns still out there. I have ways to not dwell on that so much (but not ignore it either.) But the sadness over cancelled plans and traditions is something to emotionally work through, rather than just digging my heels in and insisting it'll be 'back to normal soon.' There will be good things and many more bad things to come out of this, but life will not be the same when this is over. It will not be 'back to normal soon.'
And I'm letting that page turn.
